I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I didn't notice because vodka
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
