you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
