News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
