idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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