wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
