My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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