george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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