Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
