What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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