am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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