I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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