My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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