so that wasnt chicken after all
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Small penises have feelings too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
