Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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