I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
