They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize