I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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