May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
