the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
