Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
