I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
