I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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