it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
