Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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