i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
