When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i came on her dog
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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