Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
