I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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