his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
