I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
