chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
