STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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