I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
