I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
