I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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