When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
