Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
