just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize