just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
