I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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