like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
