Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
