the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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