the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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