Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
