I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
