Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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