So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
