woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize