I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
