i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
