Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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