I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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