ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
