There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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