Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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