I just saw a hot homeless man
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
