Dude my mom stole all your condoms
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I could fuck to npr.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
