He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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