C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Duck Duck Cougar?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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