I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
