You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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