You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
