we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
