you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
