addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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