Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize