ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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