Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
