I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
