We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
