I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
