Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will be naked everywhere
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
