What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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