Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
