These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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