I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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