Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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