Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
