to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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