Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
